I'm in the pit.
It's dark, dank, and deep.
I can smell the rancid odors of my sins past, and I've meditated and been feeling the condemnation for each and every one of them for so long I can now smell which sin is which.
It's especially sad because I know God is there. I can feel Him...yet...He feels so far away.
Is He mad at me?
What He told me to do was so easy...why didn't I do it?
And then the Scriptures I've memorized over the years start, filling me with guilt.
"Haha, you've missed your blessing. You see what you've done?" The accuser's voice fills my ear, and although I know he's wrong and comes only to steal, kill, and destroy...this time I know he's right. And I believe him.
Suddenly I can relate to Tenth Avenue North's "Times". Or maybe Third Day's "Revelation".
But then, I did something. I closed the door to my office and poured out. I cried out for help, guidance, and just to plain hear His voice clearly again.
And me, who at this point is so confused I can barely decipher my voice from the Lord's, hear simply "cry". You didn't have to tell me once- I grabbed my Bible and flipped to the index, smashing a few thin pages down in my haste. And then, under the 130th chapter in the Book of Psalm I found it:
"Out of the depths have I cried to You, O Lord. Lord, hear my voice; let Your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications. If You, Lord, should keep account of and treat [us according to our] sins, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You [just what ma needs], that You may be reverently feared and worshiped. I wait for the Lord, I expectantly wait, and in His word I do hope. I am looking and waiting for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, I say, more than watchmen for the morning. O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is mercy and loving-kindness, and with Him is plenteous redemption. And He will redeem Israel from all their iniquities." --Psalm 130:1-8 (AMP)
I have an NIV Version of the Bible, but I love the Amplified version of this psalm. It really clears up any confusion I might have by explaining things in smaller detail. It seems David and I share the same cries. I find this situation especially humorous now that the Lord has heard and answered me, because I was watching Joyce Meyer's message this morning entitled, "The Donkey in the Ditch", all about getting up and out of the pit. If you haven't heard it, please, download her app and listen for free, turn on you TV and tune into Daystar or TBN, or order it online. It is truly a blessing to have someone yell at me and tell me obvious things about Jesus that I forget.
Today, I just want to encourage anyone who's in that pit. You can get out. It's very simple, actually. Making that first attempt to crawl out was scary.
I pressed the weight of my body on my hands and lifted my body up, my feet scratching the walls of the cave, looking for a place to rest. Pebbles broke off rock and spilled into the cuts that lay open in my hand.
And I prayed. I told Him everything that was on my mind. My fears about being left by Him and wallowing in my own self-pity, and about missing my blessing due to disobedience and partial-obedience.
In the midst of my inner turmoil, a blanket of peace overwhelmed me. It was like Jesus literally picked me up and set me on solid ground.
"He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and have me a firm place to stand." --Psalm 40:2 (NIV)I felt alive, blameless, without reproach. Like a new believer feels after they're given their life to Christ.
"Yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him, holy and blameless and beyond reproach." --Colassians 1:22 (NASB)
If you're experiencing this in your everyday walk- don't wallow in self-pity or put off spending time with God. Listen to your Spirit and deny your flesh a little time and spend it with your Savior. You've got a whole book of knowledge sitting near you. You ARE richly blessed! And Jesus wants to bless you even more! All it takes is a prayer. Heck, it doesn't even have to be a good prayer. The Bible says God hears even the faintest cry, even the inner groaning of our soul. Don't believe Satan's lies- you don't even have to use words.
You can get out. Sometimes it doesn't even take words.
"He'll break open skies to save those who cry out His name. The One who wind and waves obey is strong enough to save you." --Tenth Avenue North, "Strong Enough to Save"