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Beginnings

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I have tried to have so many new beginnings that I've confused myself.

 Jesus, I'm confused.
Jesus, I am tired.
I can't get the strength up to do what I know I need to.

 Jesus, I need You to make me new again, like you did a year ago.

 It's our first year together. 
I'm declaring it fourteen minutes before it's official.

 You knew how to make me clay in Your hands when my heart was stiff and uncompliant, and You know how to fix my heart when it doesn't know what it needs because You are God.

 I am Yours, theoretically, but I want to know what it is to become wholly Yours.

 Lord, I want to start this journey with You. I don't know what the ideal beginning is, but I want to be real. I want to be Yours.

 I want this to be realer and clearer than any picture I could paint or any story I could write. I want to be completely Yours and feel the way Adam and Eve did with You- to be totally comfortable walking nude in the crisp spring morning. 

 I want everything You want to give me.

Please.

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